Marriage

It's tough....

Caged

I feel. Caged in. Like a bird with the door left open but still unable to fly. Is it my own insecurities? I am pretty sure. Underestimating my true essence, ignoring my future. What is it that keeps me from flying? Am I already flying and not aware that I am in mid flight.

Regret

Regret is a wasted emotion, you can never take back actions or words from the past…move forward and learn from them….

Casual Saturday

I have a life that I am content with. I don’t do much but everything I do is purposeful and well thought out. I may not go and shake my ass every weekend nor drink excessively but thats not me. I like staying in the house cleaning and cooking for my two men. Or just lounging reading a book. Does that make me dull? Politics excite me, a new exciting book excites me, my son makes me smile my husband makes me feel special. I find that I lose friends because I don’t enjoy going out or because Im too busy with my home-life but thats what’s important to me. Not passing judgement of any kind but just clearing my mind. I feel myself evolving. My life is so much more complex than it looks standing outside my door. If ever you could step in and take a tour you would be surprised…..

1/3rd a Lawyer.....

So, the grades are in. The summer has begun. Clerkship has started. 1L year is officially over. 




I have survived. I am happy. I am content. I did it. 


This year has been a whirlwind of stress and emotions but I conquered it. When I thought I couldn't do it, I proved that I could. 


I did not give up. I showed up and showed out. 


There aren't enough words to express who happy I am. 


Thank you to my husband Corey who is an amazing support system. Thank you to my mom who is my #1 supporter. Thank you to my son Jae for not chastising me for not being around as much :)


Thank you to Amy Brammell for being the best Twin Best Friend a girl can have. If I didn't have someone to share in this experience and allow me to lean on you at my low points, I may not have come out of this. 


Thank you to all the wonderful people I met this year. Raniyah, Dibora, Whit, Whip, Julie, Elizabeth, Lia, Greg, Shayan, Patty, Susan, Jocelyn, Leo, Veronica, Tiff, Brandon, Melanie, Adam, Olya ;), Camille, Jerrica, De, Del, Lafa, Kristen, Jimmy, and soooo many more people. 

Beginner's natural hairstyle

So a little over a year ago, I did the big chop and once it grew out I began to be bored with my afro although it was bomb!


So I began google searching natural hair styling. 


My first hairstyle I tried was a two strand twist out. it came out perfect. 


Two Strand twist out:
1. You wash (or co-wash) your hair, condition it and towel dry it. 
2. Next you use your favorite moisturizer and you either can apply it throughout your hair or you can apply it to the section of hair you are twisting. 

3. I section my hair with my finger, grabbing a small section of hair, starting in the front and I apply a small amount of hair care product, which I used SheaMoisture, and you split the hair section into two and you twist the hair around each other. 

4. Repeat though out the entire head. 
5. Once your finished you place a silk bonnet or scarf and go to sleep.
6. The next morning or later in the day, once your hair is completely dry, you start at the root of your hair and you untwist your. You don't pull it apart because you will create frizz. 
7. After you take all of the twist down, you go through the entire head untwisting the strands further. 
8. Style it as you like. 






Another style that I used quite often was a rubber band less headband. On days I don't twist my hair or its a day or two before I plan to wash my hair and it begins to act up, I pull it back with a non breakage  stretchy headband. 

With headband

Co-Washing

Have you tried co-washing? 


I have tried it and with the right conditioner my hair feels great. I don't feel like my hair is unclean and has build up as I originally thought co-washing would cause. 


So you ask, what is co-washing? Co-washing is when you use conditioner instead of shampooing your hair. Many people Co-wash because washing your hair with a shampoo, dries your hair out and causes it to be frizzy. 


It is recommended to co-wash once or twice a week with a rinse out conditioner. Avoid using a conditioner containing silicone as to not dry out your hair or cause build up. Not every conditioner will be great for co-washing. Do your research and find the best conditioner for your hair. My hair tends to be very dry so I had to do trial and error until I found the conditioner that works for me. The conditioner that works best for me right now is Kinky Curly's Knot today. I absolutely love that leave in conditioner. I also use SheaMoisture's rinse out conditioner to co-wash and it leaves my hair feeling soft. 

Hair Strength

Can you believe there is a such thing as too much protein in your hair???


You always hear that protein helps strengthen your hair and prevent breakage but just like finding the right product for your hair, different amounts of protein are necessary. 


There is also a such thing as too much moisture. Moisture is essential in preventing breakage but it can also be a problem and not a solution. You may wonder why a style won't hold or stay and it primarily because there is not enough moisture or too much. 


Everyone has to experiment with their hair to see what it likes. What works for me may not work for you. If you find something that works perfect for your hair, don't switch to the new popular hair care product that is released. If it's not broke, don't fix. 


You have to get into the habit of looking at the ingredients of your hair care products. If a product has petroleum or mineral oil as it's first listed ingredients, more then likely it will not be a good product for moisture. Look for a moisturizer with water as its first ingredient instead. 


If you find your hair to become limp and easily looses its curls, your hair is asking for protein. Find a protein treatment but start small. Don't use a extra strength protein treatment right away. Also remember that protein will not moisturize your hair, you also have to use a deep moisture conditioner to balance your hair. A great way to add protein to your hair is an egg treatment. Place it on your hair and next place a shower cap on your hair for about 60 minutes. Avoid using heat. 


For those of you washing your hair and not co-washing, avoid these ingredients: 
Ammonium Laureth Sulfate 
Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate
TEA Laureth Sulfate
TEA Lauryl Sulfate 

Find a gentle shampoo, as shampoo with these forms of sulfate dry out your hair, leaving it clean and stripping away your moisture. A leave in conditioner is always a great product in keep your hair moisturized and healthy. 

Pressure

Absolutely cannot fold to pressure. 


Never been a person stuck on appearances and opinions of others. 


I never allow other's perception of me decide the choices and routes I take in life. 


Now is no different. 


Sometimes I feel a need to conform or tone down my over the top personality but I had to check myself. 


I am not for everyone. 


Everyone won't care for me or appreciate my opinion but you won't pressure me to be a replica of your collective opinions and ideas. 


I am me for a reason just as you are you for a reason. 


What I say or believe should not affect if you. 


Why get up in arms because my thinking is different than yours? 


I am who I am because I don't fold to pressure and now is no different. 


Stop pressuring me to conform into your reality and allow me to live mine as I afford you the same opportunity. 


I cannot say I understand and know everything you experience and nor do I pretend to. 


If you haven't experienced the same as I have, how can you tell me my perception is not the truth?


Stop pressuring me to change my beliefs, because I won't. 


I am heavily opinionated  and will voice my opinions when I feel it is appropriate but I am not trying to convince anyone. 


I have a voice and I will project it when I choose to. 


Please feel free to disagree but don't pressure me to change because I absolutely won't. 

Suspect

My beautiful baby boy who is spoiled and sheltered is already a suspect. He was born a suspect in this world. It is hard for me to listen to my peers who justify stereotyping blacks when they have never had to be black a day in their life. I do not want to be that angry black woman. It is not me but I am that WOMAN who will speak out against stereotypes and racism everyday of my life. I love human kind. I am not racist. You can't be on the outside looking in passing judgment against me who you don't know struggles. 


I would speak out for anyone whether they are brown, white, green, yellow or red. When I speak out or speak up for the African American community then I am being overly sensitive. 


Walk in my skin and see how long your views stay the same. 

Trayvon Martin

I purposely chose to not speak on this case too early. I wanted to wait for my facts to emerge and I didn't want to be accused of following the hype. This case touches my heart because in a few years i will have a teenage son. 


I want my son to stay a young boy forever because in this world he is seen as a threat and not as a normal average human being. I have to worry about him being hurt in the rough streets of chicago. I always have to worry about him being profiled by the police. I have to worry about his being racially stereotyped and accused of being a bad person or threatening all because of the color of his skin. 


It is hard to read the blogs, or hear the criticism from people of other races and even from people of the same race when this killing cannot be justified. If it had been another black man who did it, there should be justice. it doesn't matter that Zimmerman is of another race. It matters that this kid was profiled because his skin is brown and he had on a hoodie. Someone son is dead. It is only because he is a young black teen. There was no other reason. Our black men can't go where they please in this free world. I know that certain neighborhoods we are not welcomed. I know that we are viewed as a violent race but people forget how violent our passage was to this "free" country. 


It is easy to say that the teen was not perfect and got in trouble. But the facts are clear. Zimmerman saw a black teen and thought he looked suspicious with his hoodie on and he followed him. How can a person be an aggressor after being stalked and followed. He can't. 


All I can think is that Martin could have been my son. In a few more years that could be my son. It breaks my heart because he will never be viewed solely as a human being. He will only be identified as a threatening black male. 


A criminal is a person who commits a crime. That person could be of any race. Why should everyone else be afforded the benefit of doubt but not our black males. They are labeled and demonized before they take their first walk. 


It is sad that there are other blacks who criticize people who have protested for Trayvon Martin. Whether a person protest everytime an injustice takes place or not, it should be welcomed. The negative remarks do not uplift anyone but tears people down. There is no reasoning for this. 


This horrific event should be used as a wake up call. We need to protect our children from this world. It is time we stand up for our children. No matter who the person is, our children deserve justice. If the aggressor is black, white, hispanic, asian, we need to stand up. My heart breaks everytime a child or a person loses their life to violence. This shouldn't happen and it is time to do something about it. 

Spring Break

Oh how I have waited for Spring break.....


Plans of going away, waking up late, and doing nothing. 


Now Spring Break arrives and guess what? I am still up early, working hard and at the school for three days of my break....


What a joke! LOL




But all in all, I appreciate the great weather in Chicago this week and the opportunity to get organized and recap all that I have learned this semester to improve from last semester. There is always room for improvement and I am enjoying my leisure time and my ability to get on top of things. 

Hair Type

If you began this natural hair journey and encountered some other naturals state that they have 3B hair type and you were utterly confused, you are not alone.



There are four classifications. You either have straight hair, wavy hair, curly hair or kinky hair. I fall under kinky hair. My curls are very tightly coiled and small. 


Here is a chart which illustrates the different types of hair. Take a look and see where you fall....

Certain Days I would have to say I am a 4a and right after I wash it, I am a 4c. My curls are tightly coiled and very small which is why my afro can look very small one day and big the next. 

Tips on curing dry itchy scalp

1

Ensure that your hair is clean. A build-up of oils or dirt can clog pores and make your scalp feel itchy. Sometimes, a good shampoo is the best cure for an itchy scalp. Look for a shampoo with a pH between 4.5 and 5.5 to keep your scalp moisturized.

2

Consider your hair products. If your hair is clean, your itchy scalp might be due to an allergic reaction to a shampoo, conditioner or other hair product. A new product might have irritated your skin, or your skin could have developed a reaction to an old product. Consider changing your hair care routine in order to cure a dry, itchy scalp.

3

Eliminate other chemical causes. Hair dye and the chemicals used in perms can irritate the scalp. Talk to your hairdresser or stylist about soothing lotions or creams that can counteract the itchiness.

4

Notice whether you have white flakes in your hair. Dandruff can be a cause of scalp itchiness, and you can easily treat it with over-the-counter shampoos.

5

Note whether you have been exposed to the sun recently. Sometimes, an itchy scalp is a sign of sunburn. This type of itchiness should go away once your skin recovers.

6

Determine whether you have lice. If your itchy scalp lasts for several days, or if your condition worsens, check your hair for the white or grayish eggs that can indicate lice. These eggs look like dandruff, but they are attached to individual hairs and do not move when you touch them. Treat lice immediately. Over-the-counter treatments are very effective.

Viola Davis

I absolutely love her natural look. 


But I have to ask.


Should it have made such a hoopla? Is it so surprising for an african american woman to wear her hair natural? I don't think that it should have been such a huge headline for the Oscar's. She is beautiful and natural hair is beautiful but it was very awkward. It was stating that she was wig less. Like wearing "wigs" and "weaves" is the normal way for african american woman to wear their hair. 


I am glad that it may have been accepted but it makes me feel as if it is the new fad and not another beautiful way for african american woman to wear her hair. If you wear your hair straightened or tightly coiled it should be celebrated. 


I am not taking away from the opportunity it has presented for african american women to not feel obliged to wear her hair straightened at conservative award ceremonies. I love that she did this and that it is drawing attention but I feel that it was not treated as "normal". 

Castor Oil

Why have I not heard of how great Castor Oil is for your hair and skin. I have started using Castor Oil for my hair and eyebrows for about two weeks and my hair is growing and glowing so healthy. I absolutely love it! 


It is winter so my hair has become very dry and brittle these past few months and Castor Oil has given my hair life! 


Even my eyebrows have become dry. I got them done and the young lady recommended using the castor oil on my brows and my eyebrows have grown in fully and are shining versus their dry color they have showcased since December. 

1 year Anniversary!

Today marks a year that I have done the big chop and I am so satisfied with my decision. My hair is growing rapidly, healthy and I don't miss the creamy crack not a bit. 

There were rough patches were I momentarily wanted to go back but they were short lived. 

Going natural has been an awesome experience and I am so proud that I did it! 

Here is a photo timeline of my journey!!!!!! 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Transition-to-our-natural-roots/122876514462181

Two days After the big chop and some color (Feb. 12th) 

Combed out (Feb 13th) *Special Day*

A few months later (April 2011)

June 2011

August 2011

September 2011

Collage September/October 2011

December 2011

Jan. 2012

Jan. 2011

Feb. 2012

Never will I fall......

Some people attack your integrity, try to pull you down, diminish your character. I have really felt the weight of negative energy swirling around me and instead of folding I continue to stand firm. 


People's opinions of me does not move me. It will not deter me from my path. It has only opened my eyes further. I regret allowing it inside my head. 


I wanted to give up. I felt defeated. It only lasted briefly. 


This is not me. I don't trip over obstacles I run around them. Never again will I allow the poison of disdain, anger, negativity, and ignorance seep inside my soul. 


I have grown from this experience and emerged a lot stronger and wiser. 


Thank you for giving me that push. It is all I needed. 

1L 2nd semester

So now is the time to evaluate what you did good or bad last semester and make some changes. 


This is a new semester, different classes but you now have experience under your belt. If you did good then you know how to manage and keep doing well. If you did less than satisfactory, it is only up from here. (Hopefully)


This new semester I have five classes, two volunteer positions and less money. At the least my stress level has elevated but I know what is needed. I know what needs to be adjusted. What worked and what did not work. 


I never learned how to properly study because my ability to understand new concepts have been great so far. This is something new. I tried new ways to study and some worked and some didn't. I was one of those students who went to class, studied for exams the night before and got a effect score. This isn't undergrad and I can't do that. I didn't do that but I still was unsure on how to properly study or if my method of studying was good or not. 


Grades were not perfect but they weren't bad either. I did good for my 1st semester and I am excited to do even better this new semester. I am more confident, have little bit more knowledge and some new techniques under my belt. 


I vow to make this semester my best of the year. First week was chaotic but glad to be in this position. Pursuing my dreams, completing my goals and expanding my knowledge. 

Criticism first, congratulations last...

Since when has being negative become the common thing to do. You rarely see someone say something nice anymore. The first reaction to any kind of news is to criticize it, without knowing all details or even the person commenting on. 


It is a sad world we live in when a complete stranger can hate you from what is posted online. 


Technology is a great invention. It has made life much easier, although sometimes too easy. 


Technology has allowed people to hide behind their insecurities, emotions, and true essence and given them a platform to spread hate. 


What ever happened to compassion?


People's first thoughts are always negative. To get attention on twitter they tweet someone with something negative to get a RT and potentially some new followers. The problem is that it isn't genuine. The internet has given people imaginary lives. It has given them confidence and most importantly an attitude. 


Everyone has flaws, everyone has insecurities, no one is perfect. 


But before pointing out the next person's imperfections remember that you are too imperfect. 


Lift up and not tear down. People are quick to post a bible scripture but don't portray what they tweet or post. 

My favorite hair products giveaway

I have decided to do a giveaway for the loyal ladies who have liked my page. I have to go in hibernation soon and I want to show my appreciation for "liking" and keeping up with my page. 


I will choose one person who follows my twitter page www.twitter.com/Lady_barrister


I will choose one person who brings a friend to my page, just click on the like button on the side of this blog. 


I will choose one more person who follows my blog. 


Here are the products I will be giving away to anyone in the U.S. free shipping. 

High Expectations

I was speaking to an incoming 1L and he was buying books at the SBA book sale. He needed a little help find his books so I helped him out. He told me who his teachers were and found out he has my same section. I began to give him advice on the teachers on what not to do, what to expect and the ends and outs and he kept stating "Oh I'm not worried, I was a great student in Undergrad". 


It took me to experience my 1st semester of law school to be able to say to him. "This is nothing like Undergrad". Law School is totally new experience. You don't come in prepared for law school. You can't expect to be a straight A student because when you get your first C your world as you know it may come crashing down. 


I understood where he was coming from. That was me last August. School has never been a challenge for me. I am a perfectionist but in law school I faced reality. I lowered my expectations so that I can see what I needed to improve and grow from my experience. 


Had I kept my expectations high, not getting an A in a class I felt I should have gotten an A would have prevented me from comprehending what I did wrong and how to go forth. That is not something someone can tell you because you will not receive what someone is telling you. 


I did not try to tell him to lower his expectations. Me and a friend reminded him that almost everyone in Law School was a straight A student but not everyone can get a A because Law School has a mandatory curve. Maybe he listened, maybe he didn't. Come June he will understand all to well what we meant.

2nd shot at being a litigator

Ok, so the verdict is back and I don't suck after all. I gave up before truly trying. I am not a quitter and I don't fold under pressure. Its just not me. So after prying myself for an hour I tried it again and I got a page full. It isn't perfect but it is a great start. I get nervous speaking but never at writing so this was a new experience for me. The funny thing is that I participated in a Mock Trial before and I have done opening, closing, direct and cross and I actually did pretty good. I received tuition money for it as well. I have decided that there is still a chance of being a litigator. 

No litigation for me

So I am sitting here trying to draft up a closing argument for a Mock Trial I am involved in. Then it hits me...


I am not cut out to be a litigation attorney. Yes I love to write and I can be a bit dramatic at times but to sit here and write a performance, I just cannot do it.


I feel that I should have went to acting school before law school. I don't know what to say, how to say it and how to prevent myself from stuttering and babbling like an idiot. The verdict is still out but as of right now, no litigation for me.


HELP!




So a friend sent me a link to a leadership building group and I think I just may take a look. I want to be confident when I speak because I am confident when I write. Thanks for the link Louise! 

Winter Break

Ok, so winter break is finally here. Final are behind you and you are living the life. Waking up as late as you want. No where important to be but then it hits you.

Grades will be here soon. Job applications don't fill out themselves. Scholarships and fellowships want you to conjure up a miracle also known as a law school transcript and panic sits in.

Winter break should be relaxing, or just a BREAK.

In reality, it is disguised as pandemonium and a cover letter fiesta. I have typed 25 cover letters and still feel behind.

Winter break has let me down completely. I have one grade so far and my anxiety has jumped to an all time high.

Why even give them one at a time???

To drive me crazy. That is why.

One more week and I am back to hibernation.

Can I have a minimum of at least two more weeks???????

The Big Chop!

I am coming up on my 1 year anniversary of the BIG CHOP!


I was very nervous and anxious and frustrated all rolled up in one. My journey has been long but I enjoyed learning about my natural hair. I had no idea what I was doing. I started transitioning October 2010. I chopped it all off one afternoon, on Feb. 4th, 2011 and the rest is history.




I did my research on youtube. Youtube is an excellent resource on finding about new products and how to do styles. There were so many people going through the same thing as I was. Transitioning to natural hair. There youtube channels have wonderful tips on what products to use, how to make your own products and great styles to try on your newly transitioned hair.


Doing the big chop and rocking the fro is no easy task. Your hair does what it wants from day to day, some products work, some doesn't. Going from straight hair to tightly coiled hair is a different experience to say the least. You have to find what works best for you and remember to not get frustrated and go day to day. What may look busted to you looks beautiful to everyone else. I have gotten many compliments on styles I thought was horrendous.


I enjoy trying to make my hair do what I want it to do. The two strand twist outs, blow out, flat twist, and small, medium and large fro styles keep me from looking the same day to day. I am proud that I stuck it out and did not succumb to using the "creamy crack" on days that I got frustrated.


I created a page on Facebook to discuss all things natural hair and if you are a natural girl or considering transitioning or doing the Big Chop check it out sometime. It is not just be talking but many people ask questions and I answer them or find the answer or we all discuss it. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Transition-to-our-natural-roots/122876514462181?ref=tn_tnmn

Me after the big chop and some hair color. 

Me Now.